The Vulnerability Hangover

So I wanted to make a quick voice note about what I refer to as the vulnerability hangover. And the reason I want to do this is because if you’ve had a therapeutic coaching session and you then… feel… So sometimes it might be straightaway. Sometimes it might actually be during the session. But sometimes it’s hours later, or it could be a day later, the next day, it could be a week later. 

But basically with a vulnerability hangover, you get this feeling, this anxiousness, this—oh, this whole discomfort—that shit, I said all that. You know, Did I say too much? Did I cry too much? Have I made an absolute idiot of myself? Where the fuck did all that come from? Oh my God, what is she going to think about me? You know? And you start to feel quite exposed and raw and emotional and you feel embarrassed and—oh my God—it’s just these feelings.

Now, this doesn’t just relate to therapeutic coaching. This happens constantly throughout life. You know, we experience this vulnerability hangover all the time. But I wanted to point it out specifically for therapeutic coaching because of how deep that we go. 

And this vulnerability hangover—this is that uncomfortable feeling after something has happened. And I want you—I want you to know that when it hits (I was going to say if it hits, but it tends to be when it hits because it seems to hit most people), I want you to embrace it. I want you to acknowledge it. I want you to recognise it for what it is. Because that feeling, that messy, uncomfortable tenderness, it only comes when real change has actually happened. You know?

So the idea being that you came into the session and your body and your mind is at a certain equilibrium. It’s like a certain level. It’s like this default level that you’re going through life, and everything’s okay to a point, and your body knows where it’s at. 

So even if your life is really, really chaotic anyway, your body and your mind, they were used to where they were. They were used to that. But when you start peeling back the layers, when you make a discovery, you know, when you say something out loud that you’ve never said before, something shifts. So this equilibrium, this— it changes. And now your body and your mind, it has to adjust to a new default. So it’s like this new… it needs like this new baseline, this new possibility.

So when that happens, when you’re getting this discomfort, it doesn’t mean that you’ve done anything wrong. It doesn’t mean that you’ve said something wrong. It doesn’t mean that something bad has happened. It hasn’t, okay? It literally means something powerful has happened to you. You know, you’re sitting in all the goo, just like the caterpillar. Just like the caterpillar before it becomes a butterfly. You know, before it becomes a butterfly, it has to be uncomfortable. It’s experiencing this discomfort, this pain, this—ugh—this change, okay? And this is exactly what happens.

So again, when this happens, I want you to give yourself compassion. I want you to give yourself space. I want you to take care of yourself and do this while your body finds its new balance. 

Because you’ve put something out into the world. And this change has happened because you’ve put something out into the world. Even if it’s just with your words—you’ve literally changed who you are as a person by saying it. And your body needs to get used to this new person. And this—it’s how change really happens. 

You know, it’s not in Great Big Huge leaps and bounds. It’s in layers. In inches. In steps. And yep, in vulnerability hangovers too.

So it’s each time we’re peeling back a layer, we are making a change. And it might seem small, it might seem insignificant at the time when you’re saying it, but your body knows. And it will feel this physical change that’s happening. And it is uncomfortable. It is that vulnerability hangover. 

But they ease. And they pass. And then soon enough, you will be ready for the next session. You know, you will be ready to peel back another layer and to discover another part of you that you didn’t even know was there.

Okay? So again, with the vulnerability hangover—when you experience it, pause. Okay? Acknowledge it for what it is. It is change. It is your body getting used to the change. It’s your body getting used to the new you, okay? There is nothing wrong. Give yourself grace. Give yourself a few days to get steady.

This is actually—for me—this is actually where I tend to turn inward. And I tend to then take some time away from social media. And I need to just back away a little bit and look after me and let my body adjust.

So again, I want you to just know that the vulnerability hangover is possible. It is. If you are doing therapeutic coaching, chances are you will experience it. And it is so fucking powerful. And it is important to acknowledge. And it’s important to embrace. And it just means that you are doing something positive for you.

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